Funny, Funny, Funny
Picture Source
Business Models and Cows
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows. You shred them.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
Check out my comment…
Brazilian
You have 2 Brazilian cows. You milk the cows, but can’t sell the milk because nobody works in Brazil until after Carnival. The milk spoils, but it’s OK because nobody drinks milk in Brazil anyway. You give the 2 Brazilian cows away as a bribe to a customs official who lets you smuggle in 4 American cows, 4 pairs of jeans, 6 iPods, 2 digital cameras, 8 Barbie Dolls for your nieces, new Nike’s for your brother and 3 laptops because everything is cheaper in America. On the way home with the 4 American cows, you realize Ronaldinho is playing in the world cup, stop at a bar and bet your friends 2 cows that Brazil will win. Brazil loses, and you barbeque the 2 remaining American cows eating many cuts of meet on long skewers. You drink Caipirinhas and dance to Samba music. You don’t remember ever having any cows. Life is good!
Cuban Corporation
You have two cows. They are brothers. One is a good swimmer and moves to Miami where he opens a little joint selling milkshakes (“Batidos”), Cuban sandwiches, cuban coffee and “cafe con leche.”
The other cow is foced into hard labor, is milked every day, but the milk is only given to foreigners from Mexico, Canada, Spain and Japan vacationing on the beaches and members of “:La Revulocion!” The cows never see each other again and spend there days asking whatever happened at the “bay of pigs?”
The Austrian Model:
You have tow cows. One lives with you and the other you keep in the cellar.